Sola Christus

{this moment} : : the missing piece

in my understanding

One of the things I like about living is Britain is the opportunity to participate in liturgical services.

A friend of mine and I have made a standing engagement to go to Compline, an evening prayer service. The service is held every Thursday in our University's oldest chapel (14th c. I think?). The service is quiet, peaceful, and candlelit. It is a wonderful way to end the week. 

Last night the choir sang an arangement of this sixteenth century prayer; it is simple but profound.

 

God be in my head
    and in my understanding;
God be in my eyes
    and in my looking;
God be in my mouth
    and in my speaking;
God be in my heart
    and in my thinking;
God be at my end
    and at my departing.

 

You can hear a version of it here.

Autumnal Beauty

One of the things I love about living in Scotland is the clear demarcation of seasons. My former home in the South didn't have these markers; December might surprise you with a 70 degree day.

In Scotland, Autumn is here. My sweaters and flannel pjs are out, and I am reveling in my favorite season. The only thing I miss is a pumpkin spice latte.

Here is a perfect poem just for October:

"Fall"

by Edward Hirsch

Fall, falling, fallen. That's the way the season
Changes its tense in the long-haired maples
That dot the road; the veiny hand-shaped leaves
Redden on their branches (in a fiery competition
With the final remaining cardinals) and then
Begin to sidle and float through the air, at last
Settling into colorful layers carpeting the ground.
At twilight the light, too, is layered in the trees
In a season of odd, dusky congruences—a scarlet tanager
And the odor of burning leaves, a golden retriever
Loping down the center of a wide street and the sun
Setting behind smoke-filled trees in the distance,
A gap opening up in the treetops and a bruised cloud
Blamelessly filling the space with purples. Everything
Changes and moves in the split second between summer's
Sprawling past and winter's hard revision, one moment
Pulling out of the station according to schedule,
Another moment arriving on the next platform.

Click here for the rest of the poem

on a morning bike ride

peach frosting clouds

dolops of morning sunlight on stones at the pier

the cathedral lifting arms to the sun

welcome October

{this moment} : : worth waking up for

Things, they are a changin'

 As a full time PhD student, one of the things that I have found difficult to adjust to is creating a sense of permanence while pursuing change.

Since I am a little older than most PhD students in the Scottish system, I haven't liven in university housing for the last several years, accumulating visits to parents in the summer. Instead, I left behind a hometown, where I had a house full of possessions, rooms I had painted, and a mental map of the city that I could navigate easily in my car (I miss you Jack). Now, I have been in Scotland for just under two years, lived in three places, and am preparing to move again. Friends finish their degree and leave town; offices move around; all creating a world that is constantly swirling. As a PhD student, change not only comes, but I also have to pursue it as well; I have to think about papers, conferences, teaching opportunities, research trips, and deadlines. Checks that should be completed in my diary, all become life in a microcosmic sped up world.

I know that I am different, and some friends wouldn't mind this constant change, but I often find it unsettling and distracting. Perhaps being single emphasizes these feelings because I don't have another person that goes with me, giving me something that remains constant. But, I choose to live in this unsettling swirl to obtain what I will get at the end of this dance--a PhD. So, instead I try to focus on creating a home. I hang pictures; I bring back lotion from the States that brings back memories; and I contentiously think of Scotland as my home. 

And, in spite of the moves and mostly impersonal living arrangements, it is. This is my home. I realized that this week as I thought about my upcoming trip to Washington, DC. I am headed out in three days to participate in a five week institute at the Folger Shakespeare Library. The collection of early modern texts and the prospect of an engaging class with scholars who are interested in the same period, is thrilling! I will be gone for a total of eight weeks, and I realized this week, on one of my early morning walks by the sea, that I am going to miss it here. I am going to miss my home, and I am glad for that.

Monday, I am going to sign yet another lease for next year, but that is ok. I have learned that it is possible to make a home in spite of the dizzying dance I am in for these three years, it just takes a little effort.

More than brown paper packages

There is something special about sharing the things you love with another person. "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.'" So says C.S. Lewis.

My friend Elisabeth came, and we spent four wonderful days exploring Scotland and sharing our favorite things.

We read poetry, sang music, went on adventures, did a snow dance, went shopping, drank hot chocolate, and watched movies. It was a blissful four days of freedom, laughing, and exploration.

When we went to Dunkeld on Friday, I discovered a new favorite thing. The Broughton-Stuart shop designs and creates jewelry. Beautiful, unique pieces of mokue gane jewelry. These are absolutely lovely pieces. 

The week wouldn't have been complete with out some indulgence at The Cocoa Tree in the lovely village of Pittenweem where we had amazing scones and real hot chocolate.

So, this Saturday morning, I am thankful for real friendship that shares maps, songs, dreams, and chocolate.

Paper prayers

I started this morning off talking to a friend about the problem of insomnia. I have boughts of it, as I imagine most people do, and I have had some of them this past week.

Tonight, I returned to the weekly evening prayers at Holy Trinity here in town. I look forward to this small meeting each Thursday. Granted, I am probably the only one on this side of sixty, but I really enjoy these wonderful people. Margaret, the soft spoken Scot who lead prayers tonight, will be ninety next month (thank you very much). She refuses to get a computer, even though her typewriter went on the fritz today, so she is determined to keep typing the handouts for the prayers . . . once she finds a repairman. Each week, someone volunteers to conduct prayers, and brings a handout to help us follow along. Some follow a prayer book or a specific liturgy, others make up their own format.

This is a prayer that we said together this evening, courtesy of Margaret. I thought it was perfect, considering the way my day started: with a discussion on insomnia.

"Heavenly Father, we pray that you will be with us this evening and bless us with your presence, and may you always be with us every minute of every day: Kind Father of Heaven, Ever-Good, Ever-Gracious, behold us as we leave the day behind us and approach the hour for sleep. If we have pleased Thee today, we are glad and happy; if we have made Thee sad, then we are sad too. Make our hearts sincere and true to Thee Great Friend, as we sink to sleep within Thy arms, whisper to us brave thoughts for tomorrow and for our comfort's sake bless all whom we have ever loved for Thy dear Son's sake, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

On panting with a burning thirst

I am back in the States for a short Christmas visit. It has been seven months since I was here, which I realize is not a long time, compared to some other friends who have not been to the States for years. But, in some ways, coming back feels like my heart is being torn in two. I love Scotland with my friends (big and little), its castles, and its haar. I even find myself longing for the sound of seagulls and the white capped waves. 

And yet even though I love my new church, I miss my old church.

My Scottish church is small enough to get involved, and I feel welcome. But, sometimes my heart longs for what I had before. I suppose that is one of the curses of life--to long for what we have had before, but can not have. One day my heart will be joined once again, when my Scottish brothers and sisters will meet my South Carolina brothers and sisters and we will sing the praises of the lamb.

On Sunday, I sang with my old community about that longing. But, the only place it will ever be answered, at least here on Earth, is in Christ. There are lots of things I long for, but really, there is only One that will ever quench my thirst.

Satisfied

All my lifelong I had panted

For a drink from some cool spring.
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.

Chorus:
Hallelujah He has found me.
The One my soul so long has craved
Jesus satisfies my longings.
Thro' His blood I now am saved.

Feeding on the filth around me
Till my strength was almost gone.
Longed my soul for something better
Only still to hunger on.

Poor I was and sought for riches
Something that would satisfy.
But the dust I gathered 'round me
Only mocked my soul's sad cry.

Well of water ever springing
Bread of life so rich and free.
Untold wealth that never faileth

My Redeemer is to me.

(written in 1875 by from Clara Tear Williams)

One old holiday and one new holiday

There are quite a few American students here in St. Andrews, and if one plans ahead, a person, American or not, can actually have more than one Thanksgiving. I had two this week. One at my house, and one at my friends' house.

  I like this one. Casey in the reflection; Jesse cutting the bird, and Dash waiting oh so patiently.

 He is so interested in cooking, it certainly seems like he will be a good cook in the future. 

 Our lovely feast, including cornbread made by Chera's mom! 

Before the dessert, Jesse pulled out Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving special. I love that show! Ah, the toast and jelly beans. Casey made the lovely turkey (both the paper and the real one). I tried to get a picture of Morley, but he was much too excited to slow down.

Today is St. Andrew's Day, the patron saint of Scotland. So, the town had a big celebration on this weekend, including a projection show in the Cathedral. Here are a few shots of the ruins in the lights. Amazing!