As a full time PhD student, one of the things that I have found difficult to adjust to is creating a sense of permanence while pursuing change.
Since I am a little older than most PhD students in the Scottish system, I haven't liven in university housing for the last several years, accumulating visits to parents in the summer. Instead, I left behind a hometown, where I had a house full of possessions, rooms I had painted, and a mental map of the city that I could navigate easily in my car (I miss you Jack). Now, I have been in Scotland for just under two years, lived in three places, and am preparing to move again. Friends finish their degree and leave town; offices move around; all creating a world that is constantly swirling. As a PhD student, change not only comes, but I also have to pursue it as well; I have to think about papers, conferences, teaching opportunities, research trips, and deadlines. Checks that should be completed in my diary, all become life in a microcosmic sped up world.
I know that I am different, and some friends wouldn't mind this constant change, but I often find it unsettling and distracting. Perhaps being single emphasizes these feelings because I don't have another person that goes with me, giving me something that remains constant. But, I choose to live in this unsettling swirl to obtain what I will get at the end of this dance--a PhD. So, instead I try to focus on creating a home. I hang pictures; I bring back lotion from the States that brings back memories; and I contentiously think of Scotland as my home.
And, in spite of the moves and mostly impersonal living arrangements, it is. This is my home. I realized that this week as I thought about my upcoming trip to Washington, DC. I am headed out in three days to participate in a five week institute at the Folger Shakespeare Library. The collection of early modern texts and the prospect of an engaging class with scholars who are interested in the same period, is thrilling! I will be gone for a total of eight weeks, and I realized this week, on one of my early morning walks by the sea, that I am going to miss it here. I am going to miss my home, and I am glad for that.
Monday, I am going to sign yet another lease for next year, but that is ok. I have learned that it is possible to make a home in spite of the dizzying dance I am in for these three years, it just takes a little effort.
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